Within three months of the wedding, and within two weeks for gifts that arrive beforehand. The much-repeated 'you have a year' is a myth that has caused more guilt than it has relieved — and the real trick is writing them as gifts arrive rather than facing 90 of them at once.
The timeline that actually works
Gifts arriving before the wedding: reply within two weeks of receiving them. Gifts given at or after the wedding: within three months. Handwritten, on paper, posted.
Writing them as they arrive turns a daunting block of 90 notes into a few each week. Couples who wait until after the honeymoon face the whole pile at once, which is why the job so often stretches past the point of being gracious.
What to write
Name the specific gift and say something true about using it. 'Thank you for the Dutch oven - we have already made two batches of chili in it' takes ten seconds longer than a generic line and reads completely differently.
For cash or a contribution, name what it is going toward: the honeymoon, the deposit, the thing you had been saving for. You do not need to state the amount.
Three or four sentences is plenty. Mention the person - that you were glad they came, or sorry they could not - and sign both names.
Tracking, which is the actual hard part
Keep a running list from the first gift: who, what, when it arrived, and whether the note is sent. This lives naturally on your wedding website alongside the guest list, where both of you can update it.
Assign someone at the reception to record who gave what, because cards separate from gifts constantly. Without it you will be guessing in February.
What to actually do about it
- Order thank-you cards with your invitations
- Same press setup, often cheaper, and they arrive before you need them rather than three weeks after.
- Track gifts from the first one, not from the wedding
- A running list costs nothing at the start and is impossible to reconstruct later.
- Assign someone to log gifts at the reception
- Cards and gifts separate. Somebody should be writing down who gave what as they arrive.
- Split the list between you
- Write to your own side. It halves the work and the notes sound more like the person who knows them.
Common questions
How long do you have to send wedding thank-you notes?
Within three months of the wedding, and within two weeks for gifts that arrive beforehand. The common claim that you have a year is a myth, and following it usually makes the job harder rather than easier.
What do you write in a wedding thank-you note?
Name the specific gift and say something true about using it, mention the person, and sign both names. Three or four sentences is plenty. For cash, say what it is going toward without naming the amount.
Do you send thank-you notes for cash gifts?
Yes. Name what the money is going toward - the honeymoon, a deposit, something you had been saving for - without stating the amount.
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