Traditionally the groom's family, and this is one of the few old conventions that has largely survived. Increasingly the couple hosts it themselves, or the two families split it — but if nobody has said otherwise, the groom's parents are the ones most people still expect to offer.
Why this one survived
The traditional division gave the bride's family the wedding and the groom's family the rehearsal dinner. Even as the wedding half collapsed, the rehearsal dinner stayed attached, largely because it is a discrete event with a clear host rather than a shared pot.
It also gives the groom's family a role that is genuinely theirs at a wedding weekend where much of the rest is not, which is a reason many families still like it.
What it costs, and how the guest list drives it
The core list — wedding party, partners, immediate family, officiant — is usually 20 to 30 people. Adding all out-of-town guests, which is now common, can push it past 60 and turns a dinner into a second reception.
Whoever is hosting should set the guest list, because they are setting the cost. The most common friction here is one family expanding the list for an event another family is paying for.
If nobody offers
Ask directly rather than waiting. 'We're planning the rehearsal dinner — is that something you'd like to host, or should we?' is a complete, unembarrassing question, and it resolves in one conversation what can otherwise sit unspoken for months.
Couples hosting it themselves is entirely normal now, as is splitting it. There is no version of this that anyone will judge.
What to actually do about it
- Settle the host before the guest list
- Whoever pays sets the list, because the list sets the cost. Doing it the other way round is the usual source of friction.
- Decide early whether out-of-town guests are invited
- It is the difference between a dinner for 25 and an event for 60, which means a different venue and a different budget.
- Book the restaurant once the number is fixed
- Not before. Rehearsal dinner venues are booked on headcount and many have minimums.
- Confirm the rehearsal slot with your ceremony venue first
- The dinner follows the rehearsal, and the rehearsal time is set by a venue that may have another event that evening.
Common questions
Who traditionally pays for the rehearsal dinner?
The groom's family. This is one of the few traditional divisions that largely survived, partly because it is a discrete event with a clear host and gives the groom's family a role of their own.
Who is invited to the rehearsal dinner?
At minimum the wedding party and partners, immediate family, the officiant and anyone with a ceremony role - usually 20 to 30 people. Inviting all out-of-town guests is increasingly common but can push it past 60.
What if the groom's family doesn't offer to host the rehearsal dinner?
Ask directly: 'We're planning the rehearsal dinner - is that something you'd like to host, or should we?' Couples hosting it themselves or splitting it is entirely normal now.
The vendors this depends on
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