What are the rules for RSVPing to a wedding?
The short answer
Reply by the date on the card, reply even if it's a no, and only bring the people named on the invitation. An unanswered RSVP is the single most annoying thing a guest can do, because the couple has to chase you personally while planning a wedding.
At a glance
- You got the invitation
- Reply within a few days. Do not wait for the deadline.
- You can't attend
- Still reply. A firm no is useful to them.
- Invitation names only you
- Come alone. Do not bring a guest.
- You want to bring someone
- Ask only if something genuinely changed, and accept the answer.
- Plans change after accepting
- Tell them immediately - the headcount locks 2-3 weeks out.
- You have an allergy
- Put it on the RSVP, not on the night.
Reply on time, and reply either way
Roughly a fifth of guests miss the deadline at every wedding, which means the couple spends the following week texting people individually. Replying the day you receive it takes ninety seconds and removes you from that list.
A no is genuinely useful. Couples plan headcount, seating and catering from the total, and a firm decline is worth more to them than a silence they have to interpret.
Who you may bring
Exactly the people named on the invitation. 'Ms Jane Doe' means one person. 'Ms Jane Doe and Guest' means you may bring someone. 'The Doe Family' includes children; your name alone does not.
Do not ask to add someone unless something has genuinely changed, and accept the answer immediately if you do. Venues have hard capacity limits and catering is charged per head, so a plus-one is a real cost rather than a formality.
Changes and dietary requirements
If you accept and then cannot come, tell them as soon as you know. The final headcount locks two to three weeks out, and after that the couple pays for your seat whether you sit in it or not.
Give allergies and dietary requirements on the RSVP itself, not to a server on the night. The kitchen builds named plates from the seating chart, and a late request is genuinely hard to accommodate.
Common questions
What happens if you don't RSVP to a wedding?
The couple has to chase you personally, usually in the week they are finalising catering numbers. About a fifth of guests miss the deadline at every wedding, and it is the most common avoidable annoyance in wedding planning.
Can you bring a plus-one if the invitation doesn't say so?
No. The invitation names exactly who is invited. Venues have hard capacity limits and catering is charged per person, so an extra guest is a genuine cost rather than a formality.
What if you RSVP yes and then can't attend?
Tell them as soon as you know. The final headcount usually locks two to three weeks before the wedding, and after that the couple pays for your seat regardless.