Either choice is entirely normal, and both need to be communicated clearly and early. An adults-only wedding is not rude; springing it on a guest who has already booked flights and a family room is. The decision is easy — the logistics of announcing it are what actually require thought.
If you are having children
Count them properly with your caterer: children's meals are typically discounted but are frequently left off a first quote entirely. Ask about a kids' menu and confirm the age cut-off.
The thing that makes it work is somewhere for them to be. A separate room with a sitter, activity bags at the table, and an honest expectation that they will be gone by nine. Many couples hire a sitter for the reception, which costs less than a floral centrepiece and is the difference between parents enjoying the night and leaving at eight.
If you are not
Say it early - on the save-the-date or the wedding website, not for the first time on the invitation. Guests with children need lead time to arrange care, and some will need to decide whether to travel at all.
Address invitations to named adults only, and put one clear line on the website: 'We're having an adults-only celebration.' No apology, no explanation. Explanations read as negotiable.
The in-between versions
Plenty of couples include only children in the wedding party, or only immediate family, or allow children at the ceremony but not the reception. All of these work. Each needs stating explicitly, because guests will otherwise apply the version they prefer.
If you are hosting a rehearsal dinner or a next-day brunch, making one of those child-friendly is a genuine kindness to travelling families and costs you nothing at the wedding itself.
What to actually do about it
- Put it on the website before the invitations go out
- Save-the-date timing gives guests months to arrange care. Invitation timing gives them weeks, and some of them will decline.
- Confirm the children's headcount with your caterer
- Kids' meals are usually cheaper but are routinely missing from a first quote. Confirm the price and the age cut-off.
- Ask your venue about a quiet room
- Most have something. A room with a sitter for the evening is one of the highest-value small spends at a wedding with families.
- Tell your photographer if children are in the ceremony
- Flower children and ring bearers need a rehearsal and, on the day, a plan for what happens if one of them stops walking.
Common questions
How do you say no kids at a wedding?
State it on the save-the-date or your wedding website, months before invitations, then address invitations to named adults only. One clear line - 'We're having an adults-only celebration' - with no apology and no explanation, because explanations read as negotiable.
Is it rude to have an adults-only wedding?
No. What causes genuine offence is announcing it late, after guests have booked travel and arranged a family trip. The decision is yours; the timing is the courtesy.
What do you do with kids at a wedding reception?
A separate quiet room with a hired sitter is the arrangement that works best, and it costs less than a floral centrepiece. Activity bags at the table help, and most children are gone by nine.
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